How My Life Became a Nightmare

Alright, so here is my tale of woe.

A few months back, maybe late March or early April it came to my attention that the junk collecting, drug addled mob of people that live and party on the first floor of my building were moving into the flat below mine in my apartment building. I figured this would be trouble, I never would have guessed what kind.

Later in April (possibly May) as I sat in my bed happily sipping coffee & typing away on my notebook, I spotted a bug on the coffee table I use for a nightstand. It was just some random, unassuming small bug. I noted that I'd never seen one like it before, smashed it and went on about my day. After that now and again I would see similar looking random bugs. Just one now and again, always on the coffee table (which is below the window). I figured Freddy, the tiny jumping spider that I allow to live on my window pane, under the strict agreement that he never leave the window & only because he's cute, was slacking off on the job & not keeping creepy crawlies from entering the window. Still, my random buggies don't look like anything to lose sleep over.

Then came July. Once in July I saw one on my blaket. "Bastard!" I thought. Smooshed him & started checking the blankets before I get into the bed, never finding anything. A few weeks later, on a particularly hot day, my boyfriend, son and I decided to sit in my room to watch TV. (The AC in the living room does not work). My boyfriend spotted one of those dastardly random bugs on the wall (now they're becoming a nuisance). "That looks like a bed bug." says my boyfriend. "What?, bed bug? that's crazy. I'm sure it's just some random bug." I reply. "I'm sure you're right." he said. Only I wasn't so sure. In my head I start thinking about all the mosquito bites I wake up with, but I can never find any damn mosquitos in my room. The idea, the very thought of bed bugs was too horrifying to wrap my head around. I tried to ignore the idea.....

Only I can't ignore the idea. Part of me wants to look under the mattress so I can be reassured that bed bugs are not even really an option, part of me knows it must be true & wants to confirm & correct the problem - NOW! So we (me and my divided psyche) remove the mattress - hey! it's nearly time to flip it over anyway..... HOLY HELL!!!!! Bugs, blood & what look like ink spots are on the corners & seams of the mattress. Fighting the dizzyness and the horror, we get the vacuum, we get the bleach. We clean the heck out of that mattress. "Phew!" my naive mind thought, "I'm glad that's over."

At first it seemed to be over, of course it was not over, now these SOBs are on the walls & blankets constantly. I pissed them off & mixed them up. I didn't pull a murder-death-kill, no - I displaced them. I broke up their little families, I made them look for a new home.

Phase Two... (early August)
I vacuum out the mattress & boxspring - again! I spray them with isecticide. I thoroughly wash all the bed linens, in hot - hot water. I spray the bed & blankets with OFF. I sleep wearing OFF. I assume they will die from hunger. I start to do internet research.

Uh Oh! They won't die from hunger. They can live up to 18+ months without a meal, it only makes them more aggressive. They don't have to live on a mattress. They can live in your carpet, your walls, your dresser. They can live pretty much anywhere. They are attracted to CO2 (your breath). If your mattress is not an easy way for them to get to you, they will climb the walls to the ceiling and fall on you. They will travel all over a house or building, looking for that sweet, sweet nectar (your blood). They will travels through walls, heating systems, electrical systems. If you have a neighbor in a complex & they have bed bugs, you too will soon have them. Otherwise, they are commonly picked up by way of international travel, in hotels that frequently house international travelers or "found" / used furniture.

Ah Ha! Eureeka! I think I've discovered the source of my suffering. I don't travel, especially not internationally. I don't have used furniture (I won't even touch a ketchup bottle in a restaurant for fear of germs, I'm certainly not dragging somebody's funky assed couch into my apartment). Oh, but for those pesky neighbors. They are from Russia, I believe. They are always having visitors from all over & the people that actually live there seems to be in a state of flux. At times, I suspect they are running a hostel. They have all sorts of weird, junky looking furniture on their porch. Once a woman who was living with them tried to steal the extra chairs I bought for parties out of my storage locker. Their master bedroom is directly below mine. I'm sure they've brought the malady to me.

Phase Three... (mid August)
Foolishly, I think I know what to do now. I go to my local big box. I need supplies. I spend over $200.00 (btw: I don't really have a spare 200 bucks just lying around). I thoroughly vacuum and steam clean my carpet. I steam clean my bed. I steam clean my chair. I throw away my pillows, my comforter & any linens that were on the floor or under the bed. I double wash the remaining linens, in hot-hot water. I sack my mattress in vinyl. I sack my new pillows in vinyl. I put Diatamateous Earth between the box spring and the mattress. I rearrange my furniture so that my bed is no longer near the heater that I suspect they are traveling to me from & the wall that they appear to be nesting by (ink spots on the wall). I opt against using tablecloths. I spend the night away from home. I drive home at 3:30 in the morning to bomb the room. I seal off the door so they can't run from the chemicals. I spread Diatamateous Earth along the suspected wall. I wash the suspected wall with Rosemary Oil. I now have the cleanest, most chemically smelling bedroom in all of the United States and when I wake up the next morning, There are bugs on my walls. OMG!!! They will never leave, I live in hell I need professional help. I call the landlord (well the landlord's wife).

The bitch tells me "You brought them, you fix it." I explain that I have not done any of the things that might bring them. She doesn't care. She says she will let me call an exterminator, she will not pay for it. I call Orkin, they agree that it is more likely that the bugs came from the neighbors than from myself. They can't say that in writing. They come & confirm that I do indeed have bed-bugs. They tell me about how hard they are to irradicate. They tell me this is worse than roaches. They tell me that no chemicals will contact kill them. They tell me I need to try and be patient. They tell me it will be $2,000.00. I start to cry. I haven't really slept since Friday. My life is a nightmare.

I call my local Health Department. They inform me that the landlord has to take care of this. They tell me that I don't own the building & that it is not my responsibility. I tell the landlord this & I give him the estimate. "Oh No!!! That's too much! I will get someone." He calls me again & tells me to wash all my clothes & wrap them in plastic & that his guy who has dealt with this before will come and spray. I guarantee you he will show up with a bottle of spray from the hardware store. I assure you this "guy" will not be an exterminator. I will call the city again after I see what they do.

I've started throwing things away. I've started looking for a house. I have 5 mnths left on my lease & then I will move. I will probably lose all my furniture as a result of this. I won't ever live in an apartment/ condo/ townhouse ever again. If I can't afford a house, I will move to a trailer. Sterotype be damned, I hate apartments!!! I don't want to move away & leave my life behind. I was trying to put down roots. I work in the area, my son's school is in the area, my boyfriend is in the area. I'm afraid of losing these things now too.

When those guys moved in below me, I figured their stereo & their drunken laughter in the middle of the night would be making me miserable. How could I have guessed that they would be capable of raining down this plague that is ruining my life.