phew!

okay... my sigh of relief may be pre-emptive (word on the street is, it takes 6 months to truly declare yourself free), however, I am feeling much saner now. I was finally able to get a couch & I have done some decorating, so my house is starting to feel like home. It's a big relief, I now no longer always have that nagging feeling that I want to go home followed by the really sad feeling that I don't have one to go to. My landlord returned part of my security deposit & I think I'm just going to take that and move on with my life. I know that I should be fighting, that this was all quite unjust, but I don't want to look back there anymore. I like being happy, I like that my mind can be quiet now. I like that not crying has become a natural state. I want to forget this ever happened.

It will be a good long while before I stop being afraid (or maybe wisely cautious is the way to look at it) I really don't like used things anymore (including library books - they make me very nervous). I will certainly never accept used clothes or buy antique furnitre again - no way! When I visit people in apartment buildings, I break out in hives (I hope this goes away soon) and I have a really difficult time inviting people (and their stuff) into my home. As I understand it, the last one is normal & will eventually pass along with my desire to inspect every spot of lint or chipped paint with a high powered flashlight.

On the upside, I had always tried to live minimally but having attached so much sentimental value to my physical posessions they were difficult to get rid of. I no longer attach sentiment to things as I have learned the hard way that things can go away. I can now go into a closet without tripping over four years worth of Halloween costumes and twenty seven rolls of wrapping paper. It's a good feeling, let's hope I never have to earn it again - lol :D

I HATE EVERYTHING

I'm in the new house now - yeah! Nothing beats living in an empty house.

The landlord doesn't want to return my security deposit because I broke my lease. I have news for them. I have severely dicked over by this entire situation & I really need that f*n money, plus I'm pissed now. I will sue the crap out of them. I will sue them for every damned thing I can think of to sue over. Someone else needs to suffer like I am & since they think they can keep my damned money I think it should be them.

Speaking of keeping my damned money, I have tried three times through 3 different retailers and 2 different cards (1 credit / 1 debit) to buy furniture, but it's not working. So now I have to wait to straighten out charges that went through to the bank, but not to the retailers. Basically I just gave away a shitload of money. I don't think I'll ever have furniture & the more I suffer the more my piece of shit ex-landlord will suffer. Their fuckin' grandkids are going to owe my grandkids money!

I HATE EVERYTHING!!!!! Nothing is getting better!!! The Goddammed bugs have ruined my life & no matter how hard I try it just won't f*n fix. Somebody better fuckin pay for what has happened to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a Waste

All that work in my last post....was a total waste.

After boiling, sealing, inspecting, etc. I found another bug in my apartment.

Did it come out of my stuff? I don't know
Did it come off of the carpet? I don't know
Did it come out of the wall? I don't know
Does it have an enormous family hangnin' out somewhere nearby? probably

Could they possibly get into my stuff, despite the plastic? of course - all it takes is one little hole, one little spot that I missed & my new house will be infested.

I had to throw it all away... couch, tvs, pc, plates, dishes, toys, games, EVERYTHING!

I am so bummed :( I hate the bugs & I hate the cursed neighbors that brought them & did nothing about it.

When I moved into this apartment I thought my life was going to change for the better - ha! what a freakin' joke!

All the Work

I've recovered, at least somewhat, psychologically from my last post. The car is working okay now. That whole ordeal was mysterious. Two mechanics and zero diagnosis later the car is okay. I assume this was just more of the universe dicking me around.

I thought, while I have my senses, I would lay out all the work that has gone into this bedbug debaucle. I'm planning on getting out of dodge (aka the apartment) & it is impertivie that the bugs do not follow. They are hard to kill and their eggs are even harder to kill. If you ever get the bugs, you'll have to do this too.

1) Hot wash & hot dry all of your laundry. I threw away any laundry items that seemed to have bugs on them & hot washed/dried the rest. I'm not taking chances. Laundry items that can't take the heat, go to the trash.

2) Bed linens, pillows, blankets, mattresses, bed frames, dressers, bedroom furniture - trash! gone!

3) Every thing in the room gets inspected. Has black spots on it? Has weird looking white things (like rice or salt grains)? Gone! Trash! Everything else gets treated by being boiled or washed in the dishwasher. Papers get laminated.

4) PC - was stored in the bedroom... inspected, sealed in plastic w/ mothballs. 1 month from now I will open the bags & put in new mothballs. I fear the pc eventhough it passed inspection. If I ever take it out of plastic, it will live in the basement.

Moving on to the living room now...

5) cd's dvd's - inspected. spots?, grains? - trash! everything else, sealed in plastic. (I miss my cds/ dvds) Records - threw away the sleeves, wiped vinyl down w/ rubbing alcohol. Wrapped in plastic wrap. Sealed in a plastic bag.

6) books - inspected. page by page (that's a lot of pages) same deal as above - many were trashed, the rest were sealed in plastic w/ mothballs. Some books were too big or fragile for inspection, yet too valuable to toss (ie complete works of shakespeare, antique leather bible from my childhood) they are sealed in plastic, I can open them up in two years.

7) chachkies/ nick-nacks - why do I have so much of this crap? It all got boiled, if it looked suspicious it got trashed. Survivors were sealed in plastic.

sound like a lot of plastic?..... it is!

8) Furniture. All furniture is being inspected & disassebled to whatever degree is practical. The futon cushion is being trashed - just in case. The frame will be thoroughly cleaned with steam and disinfectant. Fabric furniture will be steam cleaned/ shampooed. All remaining furniture - tables, etc. will be steam cleaned & disinfected. Murphy's oil & a good inspection for wooden furniture. Legs will be wrapped in plastic.

9) All closet contents / kitchen crap/ bathroom stuff are being inspected, treated however possible. Chucked if it's not worth all the trouble or looks suspicious.
Everything gets sealed in plastic.

It's a pain in the stones & it's taking for like freakin' ever!!!!!

I hope it works, I hope when I move that I will be free!

Break Down

Wow!! This sh*ts really starting to get to me.

In addition to my little bug problem, now I have car problems. Sometimes it won't start, sometimes it stalls. Thanks to the bugs, my life is spread out all over the place. My parent's house (where I'm staying) is many miles from my apartment & even more miles from my bfs house & now I'm afraid to drive anywhere.

It will cost me hundreds & possibly hundreds more to "maybe" fix the car - because noone can even find the problem. - nice

Not only is the car breaking down, but so am I. I am cracking up, falling apart. There is so much to do. Everytime I step foot into my apartment I feel all freaked out, but the place is pretty much abandoned now & I worry about my stuff. I'm living w/ my parents & sharing a room w/ my son. I'm sorely lacking any sort of private time. I rarely see my bf now & never alone - I miss him too. I'm getting so depressed that I can hardly keep myself awake. I'm falling behind in my work. I cry for a good hour or so every morning & most mornings now I throw up.

I just want to go to my home & lay down in my bed maybe cuddle up to my boyfriend or my cat. But I can't because I don't really feel like I have a home (just some nightmare place loaded w/ plastic boxes). I don't have a bed or a place to cuddle my boyfriend and I had to get rid of my cat. Were it not for my son, I surely would have thrown myself into a river or something by now - he is the light of my life.

Not sure how much more I can take. I hope some of this gets cleared up soon. I just want to go home. :(

WTF!!!???

I spoke with the landlord yesterday & found out that the people on the first floor said they had these things A YEAR AGO!!!!!!!!

A YEAR AGO!!!!!!!

WTF!? These things have been making their way through the building for A YEAR!!!! and noone stopped them before they came to me? Noone else is complaining except for me!? I am appauled and angry.

Also - I have been speaking w/ one of the neighbors. At first I could not get her to acknowlege the situation or check her apartment. Yesterday she tells me that she has no bugs. MY ASS!!! I happen to know that the unit next to hers and the unit above hers are both infested. I find it very difficult to believe she doesn't have them too.

People don't know the signs & they think they will see bugs. Sorry folks, most people that have them don't see them. You have to look for the signs & you have to really come to terms with the fact that this can happen to you. Any less for a renter in a multi-unit building is flat out IRRESPONSIBLE!

Anyway - this neighbor is upset that we are being fumigated. She doesn't have time for this. She doesn't want to get fumigated. WTF!!!!???? Do you think she will take the time to wash her linens, laundry, clean her bed? I don't! Do you think she really doesn't have the bugs? I don't! I do think she will spoil our efforts and help to reinfest. Plus she wants to move (because of the inconvenience) so watch out renters, she may be moving to a unit near you.

Oh!!!!!! Also - she was going to take my infested bed out of the dumpster. This bed was HEAVILY infested. Both the PCO & the Health Dept said it had to go. I cried as I thought about it. I was devistated to let that beautiful, NEWish piece of furniture go. Why would I throw it away if it wasn't integral? But this chik figured wood, would be okay - (wood is the WORST- the f*rs are like termites.

This experience is making me REALLY hate people. How gross for my neighbors to have this problem for a year and not try to fix it. How gross for this lush to want to fish my bed out of a dumpster, knowing that it was infested (that sh*t's gross times 2). How gross for these people to feel more inconvenienced by the fumigation process than by the bugs. I say let these disgusting scumbags have the building to themeslves.

In the immortal words of Cartman :)~ "screw you guys, i'm outta here"

& the hits just keep on comin'

Alright, I will be the first to admit that my last post was, well, ..... yawn! I'm stressed & just needed to get that long, boring post out of me.

The landlord has had the entire building inspected. She wouldn't tell me how bad the problem is, but she did tell me that my neighbor next door (no word on downstairs) has them. The landlord was perplexed that my neighbor did not complain - me too. I still haven't figured out why the guys downstairs don't pitch a fit. They told me they asked the old landlord to spray & didn't know what else to do. I say, freak out, man!!!! This is not acceptible. (tible? / table? - thank you microsoft, now I can't spell!)

Anyway - today there was a note on the door stating that the entire building is being treated for some random assortment of bugs (I'm assuming aside from the obvious, this pretty much means the spiders & ants which tend to invade the building every fall). The instructions for us tenant-types make it pretty clear that "random assortment" mostly means bed-bugs. We are being instructed to vaccuum our units & immediately throw away the bags, bag up all our linens & strip our beds. Before the PCO comes they are having the carpets professionally cleaned. Man! I hope this works!

Also - when I stopped home I noticed a couch & pillows in the dumpster. The dumpster was pretty filled, I'm assuming furniture was under the bags as well. Plus (hopefully though doubtfully this is a coincidence) someone in the next building was throwing away a mattress. Won't it be super-fun if the whole neighborhood is infested.*

*I will explain here that the neighborhood is a cul-de-sac block of various styled apartment buildings. 4, 3-flats & maybe 8 town-house looking buildings. This is not an "apartment farm" & there is a home-owners association which governs the entire block, but each buidling has it's own owner or property management company. It's actually really nice looking, neatly landscaped, quiet & we even have a swimming pool which we all share.

Anyway - wish me luck. ;) After work today I get to go home & laminate all my important papers. After the first PCO came, it seems he just made the little buggers run all around looking for a new home (my filing cabinet on that list). I do find it amusing however that if I'm ever audited, all of my old tax records will be laminated. Surely nothing about that will make me look nuts!